Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize