I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
