ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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