walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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