my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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