Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
