Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
