I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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