In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
