I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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