that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
