This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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