i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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