Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
