If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.