even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.