just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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