I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
