R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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