stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
