ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
