I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
