we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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