Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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