weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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