I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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