Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
