Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
