i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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