i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
