What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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