he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
