I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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