I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.