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• (281): View more from Texas

  so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.

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