My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
