If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
