C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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