Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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