i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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