just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
