Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
