I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
