just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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