she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We got so high we made milksteak
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
