I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
