We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she told me i tasted like america
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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