I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
