I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
