there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i believe in u and ur pee
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