don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
