Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
