he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
