it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
