I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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