How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
