Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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