Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
