Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
