Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
