I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
