You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
