dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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