I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
