i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
