So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
