I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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