I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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