oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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