i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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