there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
