so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
