The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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