My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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