so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
