I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how drunk are you?
Several
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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