The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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