I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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