i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
