Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
