drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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