Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
