who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
