How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
